Well the holiday saga is over. Had a chat with Bonnie about it last week and it seems that, as a result of when our approval panel is and the processes that happen between that and matching panel, and then most SW not wanting to place a child just before the summer holiday period (a combination of SW holidays and needing to have good availability when child is first placed and not wanting to disrupt the routine of a school aged child with a move AND the holiday period) we will be able to go away in early August. A delighted Flash has already booked up so we're off for sun, sea and sangria for a couple of weeks! This probably sounds as though we are not considering the impact of having a child placed with us. Far from it. We both have very busy careers and need the relaxation of a summer holiday and usually we would have booked up last October, but delayed because of the adoption process. When you begin you really have no idea of how long it will take to be approved, let alone matched, and as has been pointed out by followers of this blog, there is only so much of your life you can put on hold. This is the type of holiday we always take, and over the years we have gone as a couple when Flip has been away with his dad, as a family with Flip, with my sister and her family and with Flash's brother and his family. And in the future we anticipate doing the same with the newest member of our family, whenever that may be.
I had another individual session with Bonnie this week which concentrated on my previous relationships and my school days. Although I now get on fine with my ex, it really grates that I had to spend an hour talking about him and what he did to our relationship. And it grates even more that they have to send him a questionnaire asking him about my parenting skills/relationship with our son. That means that he will know about our plans before we are even approved - sounds petty, but he was very controlling in our relationship and I don't like feeling like he has control over even a part of this process. Rationally I know that the approval will not be based on his opinion, but the fact that we cannot be approved until Bonnie has his opinion means that I am not in control of this part of the process, ergo he has control. Does that make sense? I suppose he has to know sometime, would just have preferred it to be after we know we are approved. Shame I didn't get the same courtesy of advanced warning 14 years ago when Flip's half brother was born - I was told after the event - no chance for me to prepare Flip for the new arrival - I was livid and it did explain a lot about Flip's behaviour for a few weeks. Rant over!
This week our joint session will, I believe, be where we start looking in a bit more detail at the issues surrounding children in care and what we are/are not willing to consider in a child. I think we have a good idea already but it will be interesting to talk about as it will be more about 'the child' and less about us for a change!
Will post again later in the week with my thoughts.
Friday, 8 January 2010
I love looking at snow. I just do not like being out in it. Flash has been in heaven as the snow in December set him up for the perfect traditional Christmas. I, on the other hand turn into a hamster in this weather and hardly put a foot out of the door! Which is a bit of a problem with lots of relatives to visit, shopping to do etc. Worse for me as Flash does not drive so I have to chauffer everyone. I am fine with that so long as they don't expect me to drive above walking pace!!
Christmas was the usual chaotic riot - lots of family over Christmas day, then driving to see the in laws for Boxing Day in the midlands. And the discovery that guitar hero world tour is just the best PS3 game ever and I can drum away to 'eye of the tiger' with hardly a missed beat (on easy level of course!!) And once all the chaos is finished, and the decorations are packed away, you sit and reflect that next Christmas could be very different indeed.
Suddenly the April panel date is looking scarily close. And I don't even know when the date is! This in itself is causing a minor headache. We have been invited to go away for a week with some friends in early April, but cannot commit as we don't know when panel will be. Due to 2 cancelled home study visits (snow!) I haven't had a chance to discuss with Bonnie, so have emailed to see where the land lies. Flash in particular is not finding it easy to put on hold our normal plans. He is itching to book a summer holiday, but again, this is something that we need to discuss with Bonnie, and I don't think an email conversation is the best way to do it. ANd of course, Flash's brother had to rub it in that they have booked their holiday, near to where we went last year.......
Happy new year everyone. Here's hoping some wishes really do come true this year!